a wish I never wished for

“ah, four.” I rose and stretched myself.
“and what was it like?” I was asked.
I turned and I shut my eyes,
profoundly trying to search for an answer
but nothing.
Nothing but,
just a few faded memories, bits and times.
There was so much said
but a little was yet remained unsaid.
Ah, how do we explain such things,
things we ourselves are struggling to perceive.
there were many bits and times,
all of which slipped before
we could get to hold’em tight.
Times and bits like,
the getting to know you ones
a-letting you to know me, once.
The learning your stories,
and then later becoming
part of them bits.
The letting you hold me times,
a-getting to hold you bits.
And times of letting you go
and bits of letting you stay.
Maybe at the end, I still suppose,
we got used to the rushing.
And we reached a place, together still, but
we had nothing left but to leave.
And now you ask
the bits, the times?
How do I tell, now that they slowly are slipping away from me? I wonder.
“It was like..” I paused for a minute and then
I turned again to answer,
“like a wish I never wished for.”

Ishita Bhatia

email: ishitabhatia18@gmail.com

Instagram: _occultatum__

We are just people

Others are just as confused as you are.
They’re all stuck in the same mess, just as you are.
We make mistakes. Terrible ones.
And sometimes
we don’t learn right away.
we do but don’t fix them right away.
A few times
we repeat those same mistakes
a good twelve times
that’s okay.
We all lie sometimes
and sometimes
we hide shit.
From others, from ourselves.
we feel bad but
other times
we don’t give a single fuck about them.
Maybe we were afraid.
Of people or
Of eyes,
ours and theirs, and
that’s okay.
It doesn’t make us bad people.
We are just people.
We do shit, we go through shit.

Ishita Bhatia

For my 24 year old self. Listen?

Do you still like the color gray/grey?
Do you still have short hair?
Do you still like your eyes?
Do you still hate the way your hands look?
Do you still hate the crookedness of your smile?
Do you still make excuses for not attending parties?
Do you still have those same fantasies?
Do you still think about that one ‘certain’ person?
Do you still hate the color orange and yellow?
Do you still don’t quite know why you hate those colors?
Do you still hate the combination of green and red? or yellow and purple?
Do you still have that memory box?
Do you still feel insecure about those few (3) people?
Do you still love pencils more than pens?
Do you still hate sunlight?
Do you still like August and October?
Do you still dislike March or September?
Do you still love winters?
Do you still save pebbles from places you don’t want to forget?
Do you still like leaves more than flowers?
Do you still hate to cry in front of people?
Do you still hate being vulnerable when around people?
Do you still like to remain unnoticed?
Do you still like going for a walk on a wintry night?
Do you still love the darkness of winters?
Do you still have the same set of friends?
Do you still can not pick up fights?
Do you still hate confrontations?
Do you still like the number nine or eleven?
Do you still love nights more than day times?
Do you still like the word ‘subtle’ or ‘often’ ?
Do you still LOVE kids?
Do you still listen to that ‘one’ song you love?
Do you still like to listen more than say?
Do you still write in your journal?
Do you still hate getting clicked?
Do you still go to hide in that ‘place’ when you’re feeling sad?
Do you still don’t get your eyebrows done?
Do you still feel easily attracted to quiet and shy guys?
Do you still hate the idea of splurging?
Do you still love the feeling of nostalgia and déjà vu?
Do you still read books?
Do you still like to write?
Do you still like space stuff?
Do you still love collecting memories?
Do you still like calls more than texts?
Do you still feel anxious in crowded places?
Do you still blog?
Do you still don’t believe in god? or karma? or destiny?
Do you still hate your nose?
Do you still like silhouettes just because.. you know?
Do you still dislike your voice?
Do you still talk to yourself more than you talk to people?
Do you still don’t understand why that is sad?
Do you still get scared when you hear someone yell?
Do you still get worried when you hear someone breathe heavily?
Do you still don’t understand homophobia?
Do you still find highlighters really strange?
Do you still like homely clothes?
Do you still dislike weather conversations?
Do you still don’t understand monthly anniversaries?
Do you still feel guilty for that ‘one’ thing?
Do you still hate yourself for that ‘one’ thing?
Do you still start almost every sentence with “I don’t know”?
Do you still like to learn about thoughts of different people?
Do you still get awkward in groups?
Do you still like math?
Do you still don’t understand polytheism?
Do you still curl up when someone’s about to hug you?
Do you still like being alone?
Do you still overthink?
Do you like yourself?

Not a Verse, But few thoughts #4

Whenever I read a novel or any book for that matter, I always put a star or at least mark the lines that makes me smile. It doesn’t have to be some big revelations or deep thought or hidden meanings or life changing quotes or the-lines-that-make-you-wonder-why lines. It could be as simple as an “okay” or a “hi”. Oh you ask why? (hopefully)
It’s because, if someday or if one day, I give that book to someone and that someone when will fall upon those lines, for that half of a second
they will think about me. (Hopefully). And
they will know what makes me smile And
they will know the reason behind my smiles And
they will know what makes my heart happy And
they will smile too. (Again, hopefully). And
our reasons and moments and thoughts for that half a second will align. :))

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